last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
