I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize