oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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