no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
