So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
