Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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