Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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