am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize