can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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