God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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