It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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