I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize