We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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