I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
