meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
