Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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