i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
