i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
