So drunk its hurt
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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