did you get engaged???
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
