I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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