i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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