I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
