I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
