Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
