I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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