Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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