i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
