seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize