My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize