I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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