I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
