all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
