There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize