if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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