Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
