drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Boobs speak an international language.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
