I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
