So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
