I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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