dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Alive.
So much puke
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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