Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
