my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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