She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
