Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Come on in and take your pants off
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