i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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