You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
