if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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