Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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