Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just google imaged poop.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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