The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
