Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
