chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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