Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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