i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
