Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
