Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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