Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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