I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
